At home
Everyday ways to talk about feelings at home.
Children learn emotion words the same way they learn all language: by hearing it around them every day. That makes home one of the best places for them to learn.
Name your own feelings out loud
One of the simplest and most useful things you can do is name your own feelings as they happen. Be as specific as you can and try to make it a habit in everyday life: "I was feeling impatient in that queue." "I'm relieved the parcel finally arrived." This shows feelings as a natural part of everyday experience and lets your child see that they come and go.
A note on naming your feelings. Choose feelings that are fleeting and manageable: everyday irritation, nerves before something, or satisfaction after success all show how feelings work. Bigger or longer-lasting worries, especially ones your child can't do anything about, are better shared with another adult.
Why I wrote a dictionary, not a story
A story is usually read from start to finish and then goes back on the shelf. A dictionary is something you keep coming back to: to check a word, to compare two words, or to find a word that fits a situation. There's no right order to read it in and no need to read it from beginning to end in one sitting. A dictionary is there for reference whenever you need it.
Both halves of the alphabet
Each letter pairs a word for a pleasant or neutral feeling with a word for a feeling that's harder: amazed and anxious, grateful and guilty, loved and lonely. That's deliberate. Children have both kinds of feeling whether they have the words yet or not. Talking about the harder feelings calmly, on an ordinary day, shows your child that it's always OK to share difficult feelings with you.
However, make sure you give the pleasant feelings equal time. If emotion words only come out when something has gone wrong, they start to feel like a sign of trouble. Proud, eager, thrilled and valued deserve to be noticed and named.
Ways to use it together
Look a word up after something has happened
After an emotive situation, wait until everyone is calm, then open the book together and find the word for how it felt. "Shall we find the word for how that felt?" This can be a helpful way to reflect on positive situations (an exciting birthday party) as well as difficult ones (a disappointing loss at sports day).
Choose a word of the day
Read a page together one morning (maybe at the weekend), choose a word and see who can spot that feeling first during the day: in a story, on TV or in your own experiences.
Ask "which is nearest?"
Support your child to browse through the pages and choose the word that is closest to how they feel. Reviewing the different words and making the choice themselves, including saying "not that one", helps your child to check each word against what they are experiencing.
Compare neighbouring words
Nervous, worried and terrified are different sizes of the same feeling. Talking about which feeling is biggest, or which fits a particular moment, helps children move from having an approximate word to having the right one for the situation.
Let the pictures do the work
Children who aren't reading yet can still use the book. Talk about what the child in the illustration might be thinking, or what might have happened just before.
If your child tells you something that worries you
When children have more words, they're more likely to tell you how they really feel, and sometimes that will be hard to hear. Often, listening, accepting the feeling and showing you understand are all your child needs. It can help to come back to it later, on a calm day, so your child knows the conversation is still open.
If a feeling lasts, gets in the way of everyday life, or seems out of proportion to what's happening, talk to your child's class teacher, the school SENCo or your GP.
If your child says something that makes you worried for their safety
Stay calm, listen, and thank them for telling you. Let them use their own words rather than asking questions that suggest an answer, and don't promise to keep it a secret. Afterwards, write down what they said as closely as you can.
- If your child tells you someone is hurting them, or you're worried they're at risk of harm, contact your local council's children's services. You can also speak to the designated safeguarding lead at your child's school, or call the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 for advice.
- If your child talks about hurting themselves or not wanting to be alive, take it seriously and seek help the same day. Contact your GP, or call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option.
- If anyone is in immediate danger, call 999.
Children can also talk to Childline, free and confidentially, on 0800 1111.